The Divine Dance

I don't know why it is that I so often assume that my relationship with God should be an uncomplicated one. Every other relationship in my life isn't, so why should I expect one with the divine to be so simple? I was struck by this thought the other day when I was pondering the complex relationship that exists between my dog and I. Even that relationship doesn't exude simplicity. My dog has entered into the teenage mentality, where listening and obedience aren't always hand in hand. The simple command, come boy, isn't always obeyed and he is challenging his boundaries constantly. My spousal relationship is by far the most challenging and complex one in my life and yet when it comes to God I have expected it to be neat and tidy, simple and predictable, but it never is.

So I've finally resigned myself to the fact that my relationship with God is going to be layered with complexity. By no means can I predict God's responses or guess how He will lead me, or know how He will orchestrate the broken pieces of my life into his grand design. I don't know when His presence will be felt or not, when I'll bask in His love or feel a time of heaven's silence. But I have come to relax in these complications and handle them much like my other relationships.

I ask questions when I have them. I wrestle with the unknowns. I express my anger, my frustrations, my doubts and fears. Then I leave them at His feet. I have learned to come to God in my full humanity and in honesty. I believe that is what He desires--me, being honest. Not me in my finery, trying to impress. Not me in my religious skin, but me, in my human frailty, full of questions and doubts, full of failure and complications.

It is in moments like these when I like to think of my relationship with God as a dance, though it may be an awkward one at times. For Sometimes I twirl away to dance on my own, or ignore his leading in preference to my own steps. At some point, I concede and return to the dance once more in an attempt to figure out how the human and the divine can move together seamlessly.

I recognize there will come a time when we will experience this union perfectly. And there will come a time when we will dance a waltz that is elegant and uniquely right. And for the first time we'll be exactly in sync with each other. But till then I continue the dance, sometimes in step, sometimes out, sometimes in close, sometimes needing to be retrieved. He leads, I follow, step on His toes, argue, move away, concede again and the awkward dance continues. But nevertheless I cling to the knowledge that someday we will do it precisely right and I will have the aha moment when I see exactly how it was meant to be.