Yes, Virginia, There is a Sock Monster.

In my estimation, doing laundry is like the ancient myth where a man has to roll a huge stone up a hill only to have it roll back down where he will endlessly repeat the process. Yet, laundry is not only like this myth, it is a mystery within a myth. The mystery being, where do all the socks go and why is it that only one goes missing? I've never had my pants walk off or had a top vanish, never had a sweater go AWOL. This mystery has followed me through 7 states and 10 cities.

I've examined my washer and found no sinkholes or portholes for escapees to vanish through. I've checked my dryer--none there either. I've checked the sliver of space between my washer and dryer to see if grabbing hands protrude--they don't. It leaves me with one logical conclusion--there is a sock monster.

I don't understand his pathos though. Why does he take one sock and not a pair? Why one big sock and one little, one white with pink trim, one solid black? What is he gaining out of all this? Is it only to torture me as I stare at a pile of mismatched, unpaired socks when my folding is done. A calling card to let me know he's been here?

I have a box now--a sock monster box. At the end of the folding process anyone without a partner goes into the sock monster box. They sit there until they find their partner, a perfect match; then they leave a happy couple once again. Sometimes they sit there for weeks or months. At some point tough choices are made. Some go on death row. Some are partnered with another mismatch, like an interracial marriage; Ms. pink trim is partnered with Mr. blue trim. They make a slightly odd but acceptable couple. If 6 months go by and no partner has been found and an extensive search party has done its job, then the left behind ones are lined up and marched to the trash bin. From there they go to wherever lonely, unpaired socks go. And the cycle continues with new unpaired ones showing up weekly to take their place. It is a process that goes on and on, round and round, just like the cycle on my washer and dryer.